


Hopeless Place

by EvieLee



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F, Juliantina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-04-24 05:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19166863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvieLee/pseuds/EvieLee
Summary: Valentina can't stop drinking after her father passed away. But enough is enough. What happens when her sister drops her off at rehab? And who is the mysterious Juliana?





	1. Chapter 1

She had tried to protest, she had cried, she had begged but nothing had helped. Her older sister had actually dropped her off. Not that the constant pain in her eyes hadn’t caused doubt in her sister’s face but it hadn’t been enough. That thought filled her head, the memory of her sister driving away while she was crying in front of the large but boring looking building, while she sat in the slightly crowded room. All eyes staring at her. 

She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again without a single sound slipping out. Again she opened her mouth. “Valentina, I’m an alcoholic.” She finally spoke. 

“Hello, Valentina.” Replied the group.

“I don’t really know what else to say.” 

“You can tell us whatever you want to tell us.” The man in front of her, who was leading the meeting, answered. 

“Well I guess I always liked to party, have a few drinks but the problem only started after my father passed away.” She looked at her hands, she didn’t want these people to know her life story, she didn’t want to talk anymore. 

“Hi, I’m Juliana, sex addict.” Spoke a girl a few chairs away from Valentina. 

“Juliana, you’ve been here for 3 months and not once have you been serious in these meetings. I’ve warned you before that if you don’t take this seriously you don’t need to show up anymore.” 

Valentina looked the girl up and down. She was gorgeous. Her brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, her eyes staring at the man daringly. 

“I thought attendance was obligated.” The girl stood up, ready to walk out. But right before she left she looked at Valentina and winked. 

The second the meeting ended Valentina ran in the direction of the girl, Juliana. Unfortunately, the hallways were empty already, the girl gone. Probably in her room or something. 

Besides the group meetings and the terrible food, the worst part was having to sleep there. The rooms were small, the bathroom old. Not what Valentina was used to. 

Since she couldn’t find the other girl she decided to spend some time in solitude while waiting for the next activity that was supposed to help her stop drinking. Although everything they made her do made her crave the feeling of the mezcal even more. 

The thought had crept in her mind slowly. It caused her to be reckless, careless. She didn’t look around her properly. Her body collided with someone else’s.  
“Excuse me, I wasn’t watching out.” Valentina mumbled. 

“Would you believe me if I said it wasn’t the first time that happened to me.” The other girl replied. Valentina finally locked out with the intriguing Juliana. 

“Honestly, no.” 

Juliana’s giggle filled the hallway. “Good, cause it has never happened before. Hi, I’m Juliana.” She held out her hand which Valentina took gratefully. 

“I remember, from the meeting you ran out of. I’m Valentina, you kind of saved me from having to do my life story.” 

“I remember.” Juliana responded. 

Silence fell between them. A silence Valentina eagerly wanted to break. 

“So why are you here?” The question fell off her tongue before she could realize how inappropriate it might sound. 

“You figured out I’m not a sex addict, damn it. I should come up with better lies.” Even though Juliana didn’t seem very bothered by the question, she did avoid answering it. “I should actually go, my stunt got me a private therapy session, yay.” Juliana faked some amusement before rolling her eyes.

“Well, it was nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise, Valentina and trust me that’s a first.”


	2. Chapter 2

The tapping of her fingers against the side of the bed filled the room. Her eyes scanned the page of the book she didn't remember bringing but the words didn't register in her brain. Her mind kept twirling back to Juliana. It was easier to focus on the other girl than to think about the cravings. Her body was asking for mezcal which her mind answered with the image of Juliana smiling. Quite a pleasant image though. Although even that didn't pull her away from the edge. She turned the page and went right back to tapping.

The rest of the day had been filled with "drawing how she felt" and then explaining said drawing. The only reason she even showed up was because she was hoping to see Juliana again. The girl seemed the only thing that could keep her grounded. Unfortunately she hadn't shown up for arts and crafts which left Valentina alone and embarrassed. 

She was already sick and tired of this place. Honestly she couldn't imagine a place that was less entertaining. The only thing she could do here was think, think about drinking, think about her family, think about her father being dead.

The book flew through the room and hit the wall opposite her. All she could do was think but every time she allowed herself to think the cravings returned. It felt like an endless loop and all she wanted to do was drink, or perhaps hit someone. Or maybe all she wanted was to be home. But even if that was it a drink would make her feel much more at home in this hellish place. 

She was spiraling. The realization came out of nowhere. Maybe she just needed some air. Or perhaps she needed to eat. She always got grumpy when she was hungry. What time did these people have dinner?

She left the room. Her search for anything that could take her mind of things began. Quickly she realized, though, that she didn't know the place very well. She had gone right and left past identical doors for what felt like nearly an hour. But it felt like she hadn't moved from the spot right outside her bedroom door. The panic hit her all at once. Sweat dripping down her forehead, her heart speeding up beyond control, her knees shaking. It seemed as if the walls were trying to trap her, coming closer and closer. 

"Hey, hey, don't pass out on me, okay?" She felt hands on her arms, helping her stay up right. Her vision had gone blurry which made it a little more difficult to recognize the girl coming to her rescue. "Okay, keep breathing, focus on my breathing." The girl kept saying. 

Valentina tried her best to obey. Breathing in and out calmly. 

"Good, perfect." 

The more she continued to do as her savior said the more she calmed down. Her heart beat slowed down to a normal pace. After blinking a few times her vision went back to normal. She could finally see who it was that was standing next to her. She could slap herself for not recognizing the girl earlier. "Are you okay?" Juliana asked not letting go of Valentina's arm.

"I think so." She replied. She focused on Juliana's eyes. "I could just really use a drink." 

The girl next to her laughed. "I don't think you're the only one, have you seen where you are." She pulled her hands back. "So what are you doing in this part of the building?" 

Valentina looked around as if trying to figure out where she actually was. To her this part of the building still looked the same as every other part of the building. "I was looking for something, food." She tried to remember what had led her here, besides the breakdown. 

"You haven't been here long, have you?" 

"Is it that obvious?" Valentina scratched the back of her neck. 

"Well, you went pretty much the opposite direction of the cafeteria and dinner isn't for at least half an hour so you wouldn't have gotten much if you had found it. Are you really hungry?"

"I could eat." She answered a little hesitant. What was the correct answer to such a question? 

Again the other girl laughed. "Are you sure? Well, I might have a way to sneak into the kitchens and get you a little snack." 

"No, I don't want to get you in trouble." But Juliana completely ignored the comment and grabbed Valentina's hand, dragging her along the different hallways. "I can wait till dinner, I'm serious." Valentina tried again.

"Life is boring when you don't take a few risks. What are they gonna do? Kick us out? Trust me this will be fun and we will be fine." 

"Juliana, stop!" 

And she did. She stopped very abruptly causing Valentina to run into her. 

"If you don't want us to get caught you will have to be a little more quiet." Her hand slowly reached for the door handle in front of them. Her fingers enclosing the piece of metal, pushing it down softly. The door opened, bit by bit it revealed more of the room behind it. With her other hand she dragged Valentina along. The two girls entered the unfamiliar territory. At least it was unfamiliar to Valentina. Juliana led them through the place with ease, hiding behind furniture whenever anyone entered, each time pulling Valentina down with her. Said girl could again feel her heart quicken but this time it felt nice. It wasn't so much panic as it was excitement. 

Juliana let go of the other girl's hand for the first time to grab some snacks and drinks out of the different cupboards.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Valentina had been so focused on watching Juliana reach for the top shelf that she hadn't noticed the man entering the room. Now her head turned in his direction. She immediately recognized him as the man of the meeting earlier.

"Run!" Juliana shouted, her arms filled with various junk food as she hurried out of the room. It took Valentina a second to realize what was happening. Once the events had registered in her brain she followed the other girl as fast as she could. The man didn't seem to follow them, still they kept on running just to be sure. They kept on running until they reached a particular light blue door. With her elbow Juliana opened the door. "Welcome to my paradise." She joked as she dropped the snacks on her bed.

"Oh wow, it looks exactly the same as mine." Valentina walked around the room. "Well, just with more stuff, do you have a mini fridge?" She ran to the corner of the room. 

"Perk of being here long, they start to pity you."

"How long have you been here?" She joined the other girl on her bed. 

"About 3 months, I'm not counting though." Juliana handed her a chocolate bar. "As long as I don't cooperate they won't let me leave." 

"So why don't you cooperate?" 

"Cause I was waiting for a young and beautiful girl as yourself to show up, of course."

Valentina could feel the rush of blood to her cheeks. Even though she was certain Juliana was joking. She didn't really know how to react, she had never really figured out how to reply to a compliment. "Well, I will do everything they tell me to. The faster I get out of here the better." She decided on. She took a bite of the bar. 

Juliana didn't say anything, she just watched Valentina with curious eyes. As if she was trying to look into the other girl's soul. The thought alone was enough to make her nervous.

"I should go." Valentina jumped up suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable under Juliana's stare. She wasn't sure what the girl could read off of her face. 

"Well I will see you at dinner, don't forget. Just 20 more minutes." 

Valentina nodded and ran out of the room. She had no idea how to get back to her own room but right now she just had to get as far away from Juliana as possible. She hadn't been here for a full day and she could already feel herself unraveling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry if this is shitty writing but I wrote it pretty fast.  
> Updates might be slow since I'm busy with exams. Just for the handful of people that care.


	3. Chapter 3

"Is this edible?" Valentina looked at the goo on her plate. 

"I know it might to hard to believe but it is." Juliana replied with a smile. "Okay, look." She continued upon seeing Valentina's look of absolute disgust. Juliana filled her fork with the food and pushed it into her mouth. "See, I'm all fine. Trust me, it isn't as bad as it looks." She spoke with her mouth full. 

"I don't know." She hesitantly picked up her fork but allowed it to hover above her plate. 

"Hey, do you trust me?" Juliana placed her hand on Valentina's arm to catch the girl's attention. In a swift movement Valentina scooped up a bit of goo and pushed the cutlery in her mouth. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" 

"It's pretty bad." The other girl responded while swallowing the food. 

"Well, at least I can promise it will get better. You will get used to it. And I still have about half the kitchen in snacks in my room if you don't want to eat this." Juliana pointed at the plate. 

The thought of going back to Juliana's room both frightened and excited her. Being near her made her feel a little more carefree, like she didn't have to carry the burden of losing her parents. Like her boyfriend, Lucho, hadn't dumped her right before she got here. Like nothing mattered anymore. Here between these four walls she could be anyone she wanted to be. 

The frightened part came with the fact that she didn't know Juliana. She had been hurt and used too many times before to trust someone carelessly. Even though she did trust Juliana, she did, but she had to be careful. She just couldn't be first to share who she was. That was if Juliana didn't already know. It could be the reason she was being so nice. But Valentina couldn't believe that, she wouldn't allow herself to think like that.

"Earth to Val." Juliana waved her hand in front of the girl next to her.

"Sorry, excuse me, what were you saying?" Her own bright blue eyes locked with brown ones and for a second her walls dropped. She didn't know if Juliana noticed, it was just a flash of emotions that passed through her before the walls were pulled back up. 

"Nothing really, it's okay. Should we go to my room?" Her smile was the opposite of Valentina's facial expression. Juliana couldn't help but laugh when she noticed how the other girl was looking at her. "I meant so you could eat something." 

"Of course." Valentina sighed. A sense of relief washed over her. 

"I have to say though, I feel a little flattered that your mind goes there." 

"Maybe that's because you keep flirting with me. Maybe, Juliana, maybe I just assume your mind would go there." 

"Maybe it does, but what goes on in my mind will remain my little secret. Come on." 

The two girls got up from their seats. The walk to Juliana's room was silent but not the uncomfortable kind. It was a kind of silence that you could enjoy, it was peaceful.

"Tell me about yourself." Valentina nearly demanded once they had settled on the bed. 

"Well, we have a curfew in this place, I don't think I'll have enough time." 

"Just tell me something, please?" An adorable pout flattered Valentina's face. 

"Okay, let's see, I'm really close with my mom. Not that she comes to visit like ever but I miss her. My dad on the other hand, he abandoned us a while ago. I don't know much about him beside that he was an awful person. What about your parents? Are you close with them?" 

"My parents are gone, they died." Valentina played with Juliana's blanket, twisting and turning the corner between her thumb and pointer finger. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." The brown eyed girl leaned towards Valentina and stroked her arm. "To be honest sometimes it's better to not have parents than to have a father like mine. At least you have good memories about yours. You should focus on the good, not the bad. Was it recent?" 

"It's the reason I'm here." She couldn't believe she had admitted that. She had just broken her first rule of opening up first, she knew nothing of the girl in front of her yet she had given away her biggest secret. The one thing she had promised herself she wouldn't share. She stood up from the bed. "Let's talk about something else. Anything else. Like for example, why weren't you in the arts therapy session?"

"Good question, I didn't think anyone would notice. I was being scolded for apparently ruining your chance of recovery, or at least slowing it down or something." 

"Is that why you are helping me? Because you think I was upset with you interrupting me? Cause that is stupid, I didn't want to talk about my life and about my drinking which I don't see as a problem, I'm not hurting anyone, am I? So no, I was not upset and you didn't ruin my chance of anything, I was glad you made that joke." Valentina was yelling, shouting the words. As if she wouldn't be heard if she spoke softer. She hadn't even noticed how her hands had started shaking. 

"You should sit down." Juliana replied calmly, walking towards her. 

"I don't want to be here." And in that moment the walls were gone, the walls she had tried so hard to build up seemed to evaporate when Juliana's soft hands touched her bare skin. Tears started to well up in her eyes. But deep down all she felt was anger. She didn't want to stand in some stranger's room with tears in her eyes. She wanted to be home, she wanted her dad to comfort her. 

"Val, listen to me, okay? This is completely normal, you are gonna go through a really tough stage right now. Your body is used to the alcohol so it will crave it but you won't be able to give it that. And that might cause you to get angry, angry at yourself or angry at the people around you. You will be overly emotional. But I can help you." 

"I don't want help. I just want to go home." She could feel a tear slip and fall down her cheek. 

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation. Juliana opened it revealing the man from the meeting earlier. "Hi, Valentina, it's you I was looking for." He said looking past Juliana. "I will have to ask you to go to your own room."

She threw the door closed behind her. Now, finally alone, she allowed herself to start crying. The pain that formed in her chest and had left an empty hole had always been covered by the alcohol, now that they had stripped that away all she felt was pain. She didn't bother getting changed, she just crawled under the covers, hoping the sleep would drift her away and take away the pain. 

Time seemed to pass by slowly. Valentina had nearly drifted into a nice slumber, even though she was still crying, when she could hear the door open and close. There was a shift of weight on the bed and an arm being draped around her waist. 

"What are you doing?" Valentina asked with a shaky voice. 

"I remember my first night, I wouldn't stop crying. I felt alone and terrible and all I wanted was someone to hold me. But there was no one there for me. At least I can be that person for someone else. You seem like a really good person, Valentina. And you opened up today, even if it was very loudly and I think filled with anger, it's a wonderful first step."

It didn't take long before her breathing calmed down and her eyes fell shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I'm really bad at writing long chapters so sorry if it's too short. I also am not proof reading any of these chapters because I don't really have time so sorry for any spelling errors or grammatical errors. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you like this chapter, I will again repeat that even though I'm updating quite regularly I can't promise that I can keep this up with exams so hereby I apologize for any late updates. 
> 
> Feel free to comment, I love hearing what you guys think. And thank you very much for taking your time to read this.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Eva, let me out." Valentina screamed at her sister while trying to pry the car door open._

_"Vale, you need help. Trust me, this hurts me as much as it hurts you but I need to do something. And Guille agrees, this is what's best for you." The older sister replied._

_"I don't need help. I'm fine. Now let me out." Tears were welling up in her eyes. "Eva, please, let me go."_

_"I can't do that, Vale. This is for your own good, you will see."_

_"Eva, let me go, Eva!! Let me out, I need to get out of this car. Eva, let me get out of this car!!" Valentina continued to scream. Tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheek. The landscapes were passing by the car in a rapid succession. The destination getting closer by the second. Her possibility of escape growing smaller and smaller. Valentina continued to yell at her sister until the car stopped in front of a large and very boring building._

_Eva turned towards her little sister. "Vale, I want you to know how much I love you. Everything that is going to happen is because I want you to feel better, I want you to feel safe and happy. Everything I'm doing I do with love." She also had tears in her eyes, resembling the ones in Valentina's._

_"This is not what I need." The younger one spoke._

_Eva opened her car door and walked towards the building. At the door she stopped, waiting for her sister to catch up with her. Said girl waited in the car. As much as she wanted to get out of the car earlier, she now wanted to stay. If she got out there was no way she would be able to sleep in her own bed tonight. Her head fell into her hands as she softly sobbed._

_Her car door was pulled open and Eva dragged her out of the car. "No, Eva, please. Don't make me do this."_

_The older woman placed her hands on Valentina's cheeks. "Vale, this is going to be good for you. I promise. Now let's go." She pulled the young girl across the parking lot and into the building._

_Valentina's eyes scanned the hall she was in. There were a few seats at the right of her, most empty but here and there sat someone. People waiting for their family to come out or perhaps go in. People who did the same to the people they loved as Eva was now doing to her. On one of the chairs sat a young woman with a magazine on her lap, attentively reading an article. A few seats further said an old woman with grey hair._

_"I called a few days ago, it's about Valentina Carvajal." Eva's voice pulled Valentina away from her stalking gaze. The woman behind the desk nodded and handed over a piece of paper. It seemed like mere minutes later Valentina was escorted through the different hallways. Each painted perfectly white with blue doors every so often. Eva was walking in front of her chatting with the people who worked there. Probably making demands about how Valentina should be treated. But she couldn't pay attention, all she could hear was her own heartbeat. Her vision was blurry from the tears. She didn't want this, she wanted to be at home, under her covers. One of the blue doors opened and..._

Valentina woke up panting and sweating. She jumped up wanting to escape the memory as fast as possible. Although she wouldn't be able to escape the reality of it all. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, trying her best to calm down. "Did you have nightmares too when you first got here, Juliana?" The girl asked and turned to look at the other girl. But the bed was empty. Did she imagine what happened last night? Didn't she crawl into her bed late last night? She looked at the clock on her nightstand. It turned out she didn't wake up a minute to early, more like half an hour too late. It was her second morning here and she had already missed breakfast once. No wonder Juliana was already gone, the girl had probably gone to breakfast. Well, she could have woken her up first. 

She sighed and fell back on the bed. Today was going to be terrible, she could just feel it in her bones. She dragged herself out of bed. The shower awaited her. The water hit her body and a soft scream escaped her throat. It felt like ice. She jumped out from under it, deciding to just get dressed. Her feeling seemed to be right. 

Let the countdown begin. Only 12 more hours till she could hide away in her bed again. 

At her first activity of the day a familiar face was waiting. "Good morning, Valentina." Juliana greeted with a smile. 

"This morning is anything but good." She replied. Juliana held out a protein bar. Valentina looked at it with longing eyes. "You are an angel, my own lord and savior. Thank you." She spoke as she took the bar and took a large bite.

"I was kind of hoping to see you at breakfast but you weren't there. I really hope you weren't trying to avoid me." 

"You? Never! I would die without you." She answered with her mouth full. It had slipped before she realized it. 

Juliana laughed. "Good to know." 

Valentina thought about asking the other girl about last night but decided against it. If her mind had made it up to comfort her things would get awkward real fast and Juliana was the only person she knew here. She needed her. Most of the other people there was about 20 years older than her and had ruined their marriage by drinking too much or doing too much drugs or something else. A new old question crept into her mind. "Juls, why are you here?" 

"Because I need to be, otherwise they'll take away my mini fridge." Juliana answered without looking up at the girl next to her.

"No, I don't mean here here, I mean here. In this place." Valentina clarified. 

Juliana opened her mouth to answer when the man Valentina was starting to hate entered the room. "I'll tell you another time." The girl said instead. 

Valentina sighed again and leaned back in her chair. Today was in fact terrible. But as she looked at the sight of Juliana's head she got a little bit of hope. This place was pretty bad but it could have been worse. The feeling seemed to lift a weight of her chest and for the first time in a long while she felt a smile form on her face.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will remain short. I kind of wanted to make this longer but then it would take too long for me to update. Do you guys want longer chapters?
> 
> Anyway, I'm feeling pretty terrible but I tried to not make this too depressing. Hope you enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

Her leg moved up and down. It was a stupid habit she couldn't seem to get rid off. Whenever she got nervous her right leg would bounce up and down until she noticed and focused on stopping it. 

For the past 20 minutes she had been sitting here, all alone, waiting. The worst part was that she wasn't sure why she even was here. The man from the meetings, turns out his name is Mike, had just told her to go here and wait. What really made her nervous though was the way Juliana had looked her when Mike told her. The frown on her pretty face, her obvious confusion. It must have meant that this was not something normal. 

She tried to think of a reason. Maybe they had figured out that she had help steal all those snacks, maybe they were gonna explain the rules to her again. But then why wasn't Juliana sitting next to her. She had been the one actually stealing, Valentina had just ran after her. There was also the possibility that maybe this was something Eva had requested. In fact Valentina had been very surprised it wasn't some kind of facility for the super rich and famous where she'd be going through her withdrawal with some pop singer that she didn't know. So it wouldn't be entirely absurd that Eva had demanded special one on one therapy for her younger sister. 

The door finally opened and a woman appeared. "Miss Carvajal, you can come in." She spoke and disappeared into the room again, this time leaving the door open. 

After taking a deep breath, Valentina got up and walked into what she assumed was the woman's office. The woman pointed at one of the two chairs in front of her and the younger girl got the hint. She sat down, again waiting. 

"Well, I'd like to start by saying welcome to this facility, I hope you'll find it good here. So can you tell me why you are here?" 

"I'm assuming it has something to do with my drinking." Valentina replied, noticing her mouth had gone dry. The woman wrote something down on her notepad before looking up at her again. Right at the moment the woman opened her mouth to speak again a loud alarm interrupted the conversation. The woman frowned but got up, opened the door and looked outside. 

She then turned back to Valentina and said: "That's the fire alarm, come on." 

The words took a second to register in Valentina's mind but once they did she jumped up and ran out of the room. The hallways were one big chaos. She could see Mike on the other end of the hallway trying to keep to calm down the patients who were running passed each other to get to the exits as fast as possible. 

Someone ran into her causing her to move in the same direction as everyone else. Valentina had to think back to one time at school, she and her friends had skipped class. They had been waking around the building when one of her friends, Sergio, had come up with the idea to drop a smoke bomb in the girl's bathroom. She had thought it was an idiotic idea but Lucho had laughed and patted his friend on the back and the two had ran to the bathrooms. Within minutes the smoke had filled every part of the school. 

So she didn't understand how there wasn't a hint of smoke right now. If a part of the building was actually on fire, how come there was no smoke at all. It didn't make sense. 

The parking lot was filled with people. All of them staring at the building, waiting patiently for the flames to destroy it. But nothing happened. The building stood as it had been standing the day Valentina was dropped of here. It had only been two days ago but it felt like a lifetime. It was unbearable for her to keep looking at it, so she looked away. Her eyes landed on a young girl, with dark brown hair, staring at her. A small smile was present on Juliana's face. 

That smile felt like puzzle piece filling the last gap. Valentina walked up to the other girl. "It was you, wasn't it?" 

"What are you accusing me off?" 

"You pulled the fire alarm, I know you did. I just don't understand why." 

"Have you considered that maybe I like you?"

"How is that relevant?" Valentina asked but the blush on her cheeks was proof enough that she hadn't mind the comment. 

"Well, let's assume I pulled the fire alarm. Maybe I did that because I saw the fear on your face when they told you to go to the private meeting. Maybe I wanted to save you from being pushed into talking about your past, present and future. Or maybe I'm selfish and want to be the first to know all those little secrets you must be keeping." 

"It's a little unfair of you to want me to spill my secrets when I know nothing about you." 

Juliana smiled. "It's not like you've told me so much about yourself. I don't even know your last name." 

Valentina's eyes widened. That was the best news she had gotten all day. Juliana didn't know who she was. JULIANA DIDN'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS! She was ready to start dancing right then and there but she didn't. Everything Juliana was doing was genuine because she didn't know. She didn't know who her father was, she didn't know how rich she was. 

"Okay everybody, can I have your attention. This was a false alarm, I'd like to ask all of you to go back inside right now." One of the employees had just exited the building to tell them that. Slowly everyone started to move towards the doors. It was quite the opposite of earlier, when everyone was rushing to get out.  

Valentina tried to keep up with Juliana as the girl was walking in between the crowd. It seemed as if she was trying to get away from Valentina. But she couldn't think of a single reason why. 

"Juliana, wait." She yelled at the girl's back. "Juliana!" She grabbed the girl's arm to pull her back. "Why are you running away?" 

"I'm not, just trying to get inside." Her face showed not a single emotion. 

"You're acting weird. One second you are telling me how much you like me and now you are running away." 

"We all have our secrets, Valentina, and I have to go deal with one of mine right now." She yanked her arm back and walked away, leaving Valentina alone in the crowded entry. Her eyes looked around the room, just as she had done the very first time she had entered. Only this time the place was crowded, people walking around her, trying to get to their own rooms to do whatever. There is only so much you can do. 

She didn't want to be alone right now. But what choice did she have? The only person she knew here had just run off. As long as she kept moving she could distract herself. 

It was the sound of the door falling shut behind her that triggered it. This time it weren't tears, it was rage. She started screaming, pulling the blankets of her bed, hitting the walls, throwing every little possession she had around the room until it was one big mess. It was easier than confronting how she felt. It was easier to just block it all out. Definitely now that even Juliana had left her. 

It was funny how happy she had been only a few minutes earlier and now it felt like someone had punched her in the face. No, not just someone. It felt like Juliana had punched her in the face. 

She fell to the floor. Her knees hitting the carpet, hard. She wished she could just vanish, evaporate into thin air. Who would miss her anyway? Her siblings had put her here, her parents were dead, her boyfriend was gone. Who did she have left anyway? Who even cared? She lied down on the floor and pulled her legs up.

The rage was leaving her body. She wasn't hiding behind the anger anymore. Most of all she felt exhausted. She'd close her eyes just for a second. Just for a little bit... 

_"Valentina, we need to talk." Lucho said. The look on his face was enough to show how the conversation was gonna go. They had had this conversation before but they always ended up back together._

_"I know what you're gonna say. Valentina, I can't do this anymore. Valentina, I'm so sorry. Valentina, you're not good enough." She mocked the boy whilst slurring her words. The empty mezcal bottle swinging from left to right as she moved her hands. She placed the bottle at her lips, not realizing she had already consumed all of it._

_"Valentina, grow up." Lucho replied._

_"That's a new one." The girl mumbled under her breath._

_"I can't keep taking care of you. Look at you, Vale, you're drunk and it's not even noon yet." He continued, pretending he hadn't heard her comment._

_Valentina took a step closer to the boy, nearly losing her balance, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "You always come back, Lucho. Say what you want but you will be back."_

_"No, this time it's over, for good."_

_"You always say that, and then sometimes I say that but look... we come back every time."_

_"I slept with someone else, Valentina."_

"Valentina, hey, are you awake? You're gonna be sore if you sleep like this." A hand stroked her cheek but she didn't open her eyes. She didn't need to, it was obvious who it was. "Val, come on. At least lay in your bed." The girl took her hand and tried to pull her up. A soft groan escaped her lips. "So you are awake, huh?" 

"You left me." She whispered. 

"I had to do something but I'm here now." Her voice sounded softer than usual. Her fingertips brushing against her ear as she placed a stray hair behind her ear. "Please, open those beautiful eyes for me." 

It was the first time she realized she had no willpower. She wanted to resist the simple request but her eyes fluttered open. And they looked right into beautiful brown ones. How could Juliana call her eyes beautiful when she herself had the most gorgeous eyes Valentina had ever seen? 

"That's better." Juliana smiled at her. That perfect smile. 

"What did you have to do?" Valentina started to crawl up. Juliana hadn't been kidding about getting sore, she could already feel a soft pain in her entire body. 

"I had to talk to someone and now I did. Look what I had to do doesn't matter, okay? What matters is that I'm here now. And that you need some help redecorating, I don't really like what you did with the place." She joked as she looked around the messy room. 

"You had to talk to someone? Can you be any more vague?" 

"Why does it matter? I helped you, I have literally said I like you, I'm here now." 

"It matters because I don't know how to trust me when you don't tell me stuff like that." 

"You're not telling me your life story either. Like why you were laying on the floor? What were you dreaming off? It seemed like it hurt." 

The two girls seemed to start a staring contest. Waiting for the other to break the silence that had filled the room. "I had a dream about my boyfriend... ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me right before I came here. Apparently he had fallen for someone else why I was mourning the death of a parent." 

Valentina had expected to see pity in Juliana's eyes. But all she seemed to see was anger. "You shouldn't dream of him, you deserve better." She spoke after a minute. "You know what, come with me, I want to show you something." 

"No, I opened up, now it's your turn, Juls." 

"Okay, but if I'm gonna tell you I want to do it with a nicer scenery. You won't regret it." 

Valentina had no willpower, she had established that already. But she definitely had no willpower when those gorgeous brown eyes were staring at her. So with a soft nod the two girls left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I tried to make this one a bit longer but I'm writing this pretty late at night. I just wanted to give you guys a quick update because I don't think I'll be able to update tomorrow. But who knows? 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think and let me know what I can do better.


	6. Chapter 6

"You weren't lying about the scenery." Valentina looked at the beautiful blue sky above their heads. The two girls were laying on their backs on the rooftop of the main building. 

"I never lie, obviously." Juliana took a deep breath, knowing that she owed it to the girl next to her to open up, to explain why she was there, what had happened. "Okay, so as promised my story." 

Valentina waited for the other girl to continue but a silence had fallen between them. A cloud passed by over their heads while the only thing they could hear was each other’s breathing. It was calming yet nerve wrecking. She had her gaze fixed on Juliana, seeing how her chest moved up and down. The wind blew a lock of her hair into her face. At the sight a small smile formed on Valentina’s. 

It was nearly impossible to imagine that something was wrong with the girl. The way she sat there, calm and beautiful. Nothing in her appearance would give away that deep down she was suffering. Always so calm and collected, as if she had control over everything that happened around her. 

"I don't really know where to start." Juliana finally spoke again. 

"Maybe at the beginning? Or wherever you feel most comfortable to start." 

"Well maybe I should start by warning you, it's not a nice story." She took another deep breath and noticed that her hand was shaking. "So, I told you about my father before right? Well, he left me and my mother when I was just a kid. And then ten years later he showed up on our doorstep. I had just turned 16. I remember opening the door and I didn't even recognize him. My mom was thrilled he was back and she'd do anything for him. At first everything was okay but the longer he was back to more violent he became, he'd hit us and then leave us for hours to just come back and he'd expect us to apologize. One day I came home and he was threatening my mom, he was hitting her, hurting her and I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I hit him, I don't remember with what exactly, it's all a blur. But I hit him and he fell, there was blood everywhere and... Me and my mom ran away, as fast as we could. I just couldn't shake the memory, I couldn't sleep and I became paranoid. I met this guy and he said he could help me. Turns out he wasn't much of a help. One problem just got replaced with another." 

The silence returned. Valentina was staring with her mouth agape. She didn't fully understand, it felt like the story wasn't finished. But if this was how Juliana wanted to leave it then she was fine with it. Despite the emotional story Juliana seemed just as calm as before she started. Valentina didn't notice the soft shaking of the girl's hands because she was too focused on the girl's eyes. 

"Hello, I'm Juliana and I'm a drug addict." It was the first time she actually said it out loud. "Although I have been clean for nearly 3 months so I don't know how addicted I still am." She added. 

Valentina turned towards Juliana and stroked away a lock of hair. "Thank you for sharing that with me. Thank you for everything, thank you for helping me, thank you for being here for me, thank you for talking to me. Thank you for existing, really. I don't know how to survive this place without you." 

"Well, this place isn't the worst, you know." 

"Clearly." Valentina replied while not taking her eyes off the other girl. It was in that exact moment that the first drop fell from the beautiful sky above them. Neither of them had noticed the massive gray cloud crawling towards them. In fact even that first drop went unnoticed. The two girls were to caught up in the other's presence.  

When a cold raindrop fell into Valentina's neck she finally noticed. Juliana had to laugh at the startled expression on the girl's face. 

"Do you wanna go back inside?" She asked in the midst of her laughter. It was the most pleasant sound Valentina had ever heard. She wanted to record it so she could listen to it on repeat. She didn't mind making a fool of herself if it caused that sound. In fact she was already thinking of more ways to get the girl to laugh again even if she hadn't fully stopped yet. 

They both got up. Neither of them really knew who took the initiative but they were holding hands as they walked back inside. And it felt nice, as if their hands had been made to hold each other. It felt perfect. 

"Wait." Valentina pulled Juliana back. "I want to say something." They were standing on the stairs, Valentina one step higher than Juliana. She was staring up at Valentina with a curious look in her eyes. The second the words had slipped out of her mouth she regretted them. She didn't know what to say or maybe she did and she just didn't know how to say it. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, nevermind." 

A small frown appeared on Juliana's face while she wondered what was on Valentina's my mind. It didn't take long though before it disappeared and they continued their way down. Their hands still clasped together. 

Valentina's mind was running like crazy. It felt like every emotion she had ever felt was suddenly heightened. She couldn't stop thinking about Juliana's laugh. But most of all she felt things she had never felt before. She couldn't quite figure out what it was. She just felt so drawn to the other girl and she didn't know why. There was just something about her. 

"Well, Valentina, I had a wonderful time opening up to you. I'll see you tonight, for dinner." Juliana leaned forward and pressed her lips against Valentina's cheek. A rush went through her body and for the first time in her whole life she could feel every atom of her body being stirred awake. The skin on her cheek seemed to be on fire. She knew she was blushing, there was no way she wasn't blushing. But frankly, she didn't care that much. The feeling was as addicting as the mezcal had been. It was the best she had felt since her father died, in fact she couldn't remember ever feeling this good. 

But then it was over. Juliana had pulled back and slowly the feeling left her body. "I will see you later." Valentina responded feeling a little breathless and scared. Juliana had a hold of her like no one had ever had before. The questions in her head kept piling up. Cause somehow Juliana was doing everything right, she hadn't made a mistake and even if she had Valentina sure as hell hadn't noticed it. She watched as the brown haired beauty walked away from her. No one could be this perfect. 

So Valentina did what she does best. She entered her bedroom with the idea to hide beneath her sheets. Too bad they were laying all over the room. Her eyes stared in awe of the mess she had made. It would take her hours to clean up. 

It was in the middle of the mess that she found it. A notebook. She didn't remember bringing it but it was there. She opened it and a message was written on the first page. 

_A little gift that I hope can help you. Write down your thoughts and feelings, it can be a relief. -Juliana_

She threw the book out of the way, regretted it immediately, picked it back up and placed it neatly on the small desk on the side of the room. Her fingertips stroked the cover which consisted of a beautiful picture of New York. "What are you doing to me, Juliana?" She spoke to the object. 

Time started ticking away. An hour passed and she finished cleaning. Another and she started reading a book, this time paying a little more attention to it. Dinner time started approaching. She thought back at how she and Juliana had been laying on the roof before the rain caused them to return to reality, she thought about the kiss on the cheek, about how Juliana had started laughing and all these thoughts formed one realization. 

She liked Juliana, like really liked her. 

It left her frozen with her hand placed on the door handle, ready to leave for dinner. She pulled her hand back as if the metal had burned her. She couldn't go to dinner, she couldn't face Juliana. Now that she knew how she felt the risk of her telling the other girl were too big. Right now she just couldn't. So she took a few steps back and sat down at the edge of her bed. She wasn't hungry anyway, she tried to convince herself. Her eyes drifted to the notebook. She opened it once again and turned to the first empty page. 

_I'm not really used to writing down my emotions, usually I just get a bottle of mezcal and wait for them to slip out in the most unappropriate ways. But right now I can't. I can't drink for starters in this terrible place but I also can't deal with the consequences of letting my emotions slip. So this is the next best thing, from now on this will be the story of my life and if anyone else ever reads it, I hope you enjoy my misery._

_So let's begin with mentioning I'm in world's most boring place. All we do is talk and talk. The only good thing about it is this girl named Juliana. She's the first person that has made me smile since dad died. She's the only person that knows what to say or do to get me to laugh or feel good. And I've only known her for a few days but I think I like her. And that's a scary thought because liking someone means giving up control and I don't know if I'm ready to give up control. Plus she's pretty much the only good thing here so if I make things awkward, how the hell am I going to survive?_

_Conclusion me without the alcohol is an emotional wreck and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know whether I should tell her or not, I don't know how she'd react. So I've decided to avoid her for the time being until I figure it out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update! I really am but exams are killing me!! So this is not my longest chapter but I tried my best and I hope to update faster once exams are over next week. Also feel free to follow me twitter @evieleemans and tell me to update faster cause I suck at it.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been three days. Three successful days of avoiding the brown eyed goddess that goes by the name Juliana. Three long and dreadful days. Every morning Valentina was ready to give up this stupid idea, every lunch she wanted to sit next to Juliana and every dinner she continued to stare at the girl sitting three tables away from her. The most painful part was that Juliana hadn't once tried to talk to her. Not once had she taken her plate and sat down next to Valentina. 

So maybe she was doing the right thing by avoiding Juliana but it felt so wrong. As if every part of her body craved to be near the other girl but she didn't allow it. At this point she was just torturing herself. 

To make matters a little worse, she had been going through withdrawal. Cold sweats, nightmares and for some reason it included vomiting. The first time she had to puke she had gone to ask to see a doctor but as it turns out this is something very common and they didn't even bother paying much attention to it. She remembers thinking of Eva and how that woman would react if she knew, she would have threatened to sue the damn place. 

But Eva wasn't here. Neither was Guille or Lucia or Sergio or even Lucho. She was alone and the only person who had been there for her was now staying at a distance. The notebook laid before her. 

_So I've been thinking. The reason I'm pushing Juliana away is because I don't want her to leave me if I were to say that I might like her. But isn't pushing her away the exact same thing. Except that she has no idea what's going on. Although if she had really cared wouldn't she have asked what was going on? How it could be that one day we are laying on the roof staring at each other and the next I won't even sit at the same table as her during lunch._

A knock interrupted her thinking. She nearly jumped up at the unexpected sound. She didn't know if it was hope but she thought it had to be Juliana. There was no one else that would care about her, no one else that would want to talk to her. With shaky legs she got up to open the door. 

"You've been ignoring me and I gave you precisely 72 hours to figure out what it is that causes you to shut me out but you're time is up. I will not allow you to drift into some kind of depression or whatever. And the truth is that you don't have to tell me what's wrong but you can't shut everyone out, you can't sit in your room all day on your own." 

Juliana stood there waiting for a reply, anything but Valentina kept her mouth shut. Instead she looked behind her at the notebook. Juliana noticed and followed the look. 

"Wait, does that stupid book have anything to do with it?" Juliana walked past the other girl towards the desk. She picked it up, closing it in a smooth sweep. "You don't have to write in this, it was a suggestion." 

"No, Juls, that's not it." The fear that maybe Juliana would accidentally read what she had written crept up on her. Her eyes didn't leave the notebook in Juliana's hands. 

"Then what is it? Did I do something?" Her demeanor changed. From strict and emotionless to slightly insecure. 

"You didn't do anything." 

"Then why won't you let me help you?" 

"Maybe that's the problem. You keep doing great things, showing me nice places, giving me gifts and..." Valentina cut herself off before she could say too much.

"And what?" 

"I'm not used to someone caring." Her eyes fell to the floor, that was easier than looking at the girl's face. One look and she'd break. One look and she'd confess everything she had been hiding for the past days. 

"Well get used to it because I care." Juliana took a step closer to her and grabbed her hands. 

Surprisingly enough it wasn't a look that broke Valentina, it was the soft feeling of Juliana's thumb caressing the back of her hand. Her eyes shot up but lingered on the girl's lips. Juliana was standing so close, she could nearly feel her breath causing Valentina to nearly forget to breathe herself. It would be so easy to close the distance between them, to feel the softness of those beautiful lips against her own. So then why was it so hard for her? The little voice in the back of her mind still controlling her actions. 

She wondered if Juliana had noticed her staring when her gaze finally reached the brown eyes. Nothing in them gave away how the girl felt. But Valentina could feel her hands start to sweat in Juliana's. She had to do something, say something or things would get awkward. Yet her mind seemed to resist and her body remained completely frozen under Juliana's stare. 

"I can't do this." Valentina finally succeeded in pulling her hands back.

"What is it that you can't do?" 

Valentina opened her mouth to reply but shut it without a single sound coming out. Her mind had shut down completely. 

Until it hadn't. Even though the words didn't come, her body started moving again. Maybe it was the tension from the past few days, maybe it was the withdrawal or maybe it was just the way Juliana looked at her. The distance between them disappeared. Valentina cupped her cheeks and pressed her lips against Juliana's, softly and slowly moving them. She wanted to cherish this moment, it might have been her only chance to ever kiss the girl. At least that's what she thought until she felt Juliana follow her pace. Lips moving in sync. 

Her heart sped up and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't want to pull away from the girl, didn't want to stop, but she could feel her hands start shaking. 

Juliana's eyes remained closed a second too long, her lips following Valentina as she pulled away. "I think you did a pretty good job though." She spoke. 

"I'm sorry." Valentina apologized while shaking her head, trying her best to make sense of the situation. 

"I'm not." Juliana replied. "Is that why you were avoiding me?" 

She didn't know how to reply. But her eyes told the story. Anyone would be able to see that the answer was clearly yes and Valentina felt like a complete idiot for being so obvious. Despite feeling like that she had a huge grin on her face when Juliana's soft laugh filled her ears and her even softer lips briefly touched hers. It felt like the world stopped turning for just a second and nothing else mattered. And when Juliana started laughing again Valentina made a single wish, that this could last forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I had to upload something, hope you guys like it and sorry for my absence I had to deal with some stuff.


	8. Chapter 8

Valentina closed her eyes for a second. As beautiful as the sight in front of her was, with her head resting on Juliana's shoulder it was hard to not let the sleep take over. A yawn escaped her lips. 

"If I remember correctly, this was all your idea." She could hear the smile in Juliana's voice. 

"You don't remember correctly." Valentina mumbled in response and nuzzled closer to the other girl. 

"So it wasn't you who said: oh my god, Juls, we should watch the sun come up tomorrow." 

She couldn't resist laughing at the high pitched voice Juliana used to imitate her. She forced her eyes back open to look at the girl. How could someone look this perfect at 6 am? 

"That was definitely not me." 

Juliana turned away from the rising sun and looked at Valentina with an amused grin on her face. She leaned in and kissed her girlfriend's lips. 

The past week had been heaven. They had spent every waking moment together, whether it was eating, in therapy or watching movies in Juliana's room. It was during one of the latter that Valentina had thought of the idea to watch the sunrise together. It had appeared like a good idea. It would be romantic, laying in each other's arms while the sun climbed up in the sky. Yet now that she was sitting here all she could think about was wanting to sleep. 

The most spectacular part of it all was that during said week she had not spilled the secret of her loaded last name. She had always talked right around that little detail. And Juliana had never asked. She knew that one day she'd have to admit who she was but first she wanted to make sure Juliana liked her for her, she wanted to make sure that revealing this wouldn't ruin everything she had. Because to her it felt like she had abandoned one addiction in favor of the other. No more mezcal as long as Juliana was close to her. She honestly couldn't imagine her life without the girl anymore. 

"Should we go back inside so you can get some sleep?" Juliana whispered. 

Valentina nodded against the girl's neck. She'd try again tomorrow, she thought. One way or another she knew she could convince Juliana to do this again. Maybe the girl had proven she liked Valentina already. 

Juliana pushed herself up and held out her hand for her girlfriend. She helped Valentina off the ground. "Okay, c'mon, miss Carvajal, let's get you back to bed." Juliana laughed.

"What did you say?" Valentina asked, hoping she imagined it. She hadn't told Juliana, she knew she hadn't told her. 

"That we should get you back to your bed." Juliana said with a frown on her face. 

"You called me miss Carvajal. How do you know my last name? I never told you." 

It was in that exact second that Juliana's face gave her away. She realized what she had said and she realized she had made a mistake by saying it. She wasn't supposed to know this, yet she did. 

"I must have heard someone call you that." Juliana still tried but the lie didn't stick. Valentina had eyes and now knew that Juliana was hiding something. Tears welled up in her eyes and for the first time all week she felt terrible. She didn't really know whether she was angry or disappointed. Either way it felt like she couldn't breathe. 

"I need to..." She wasn't sure how she was going to finish that sentence but she started walking away from the girl. 

"Valentina, wait! I can actually explain. Valentina, talk to me." Juliana yelled at her back. Valentina didn't hear it though, the sound of her heartbeat overpowering every other sound. Right now she needed time to think, to clear her mind. 

2 hours later she was sitting in the cafeteria, in front of her older sister. Her eyes focused on the table. She didn't know how to start begging but she needed to be heard. She needed Eva to get her out of here because there was no way in hell or hogwarts that she was willing to sit through another meal or therapy session with a girl who had lied to her. 

Maybe she had channeled her sadness into anger. What did it really matter how exactly she felt? She knew she couldn't look into those beautiful brown eyes without feeling worse than she did before she entered this building. Being near Juliana wouldn't help her get better, it would only make it worse. 

The only explanation was that Juliana had known from the get go and had only helped her because she knew. Because she hoped to some day enjoy her wealth. How could she have been so blind to not see the girl's intentions? 

"Vale, you called me, panicking 2 hours ago. I'm here now, what was so urgent?" Eva was the first to break the silence. 

"Something happened in here and I... I can't stay. I don't care if you put me somewhere else or you take me home or I don't know, I just can't stay here. Please, Eva..." 

"What happened?" Eva replied but her eyes showed the worry Valentina had been hoping for. Eva had started making up stories to fill in the many blanks Valentina had left and whatever story the woman had thought of Valentina would use it. Anything to get her out of here.

So she didn't reply with words. She just shook her head and avoided eye contact. 

"Okay, pack your stuff, I'll get everything ready and wait for you in the entrance." Eva sighed. 

The chair made an unbearable noise when Eva pushed it back. She walked out quickly. 

"You can't be serious. Valentina, you can't leave." Juliana's voice sounded. The girl stood where Eva had disappeared out of sight. 

Valentina didn't reply, just walked past the girl to her room. Juls followed her, continuing to repeat that Valentina couldn't just leave and that she could explain everything if only she'd listen. It was when she stood in the doorway and watched the love of her life throw her clothes in her bag that she panicked enough to let go of her secret. She had nothing to lose because Valentina hated her already. 

Once the words had left her mouth Valentina stopped moving. Her arm hanging above her bag, still holding a t-shirt. Suddenly nothing made sense anymore. This couldn't be true, right? Cause if it was she didn't know where to run to, she didn't know where she could possibly hide. 

She turned around and looked at Juliana, hoping to find some kind of clue that all of this was a lie, a sick joke. But all she saw was sincerity. Valentina knew the girl wasn't lying. She knew it, deep within herself. The problem was that the truth was much scarier. The words repeated in her head, again and again and again. They'd haunt her. 

Her knees started shaking and she could feel herself falling. Juliana ran up to her asking if she was okay. But all she could hear were the words. 

_Eva paid me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a short chapter but it's better than nothing I guess


	9. Chapter 9

"What did you say?" Valentina was sitting down on the edge of the bed, the bag she was trying to fill with all her belongings pushed aside. 

"Look, you need to listen, Vale. I didn't know you when she asked me and I can't afford any of this so I took every chance I got to get money. I thought it would be easy but then I got to know you and I didn't want to ever let you go. I actually like you, I love spending time with you and I don't want you to leave me behind." Juliana explained as best as she could, pacing in front of Valentina. 

The girl on the bed wasn't listening. She didn't want to hear what the other girl had to say but she had no escape. Eva was behind all of this. Eva, her own sister, had paid a girl to be her friend. What kind of bullshit was this? She didn't know what the hell she was supposed to do. 

"Valentina?" Juliana crouched down in front of the bed. 

The two girls locked eyes and for a second, for the first time, the thought of just pretending none of this happened crossed Valentina's mind. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss the girl. It would be so easy to pretend, to give in. 

"Eva checked me out already, I need to go." She spoke finally with her teeth clenched. She wasn't sure what she filled when she stood up and continued throwing stuff in the bag. 

"Please don't leave me, I've never felt this before. I've never trusted anyone like I trust you." 

"Trust? You want to talk about trust? Well, I trusted you, I told you things no one knows, I gave you everything and you were lying the whole fucking time. So maybe I don't care how you feel right now. I feel betrayed by the only person who made me feel anything after my father passed away, after my boyfriend left me, after my family gave up. You were the only one here for me but you just did all of it for the freaking money." Valentina yelled, anger filling her voice while tears formed in her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I never meant for it to get this far. I never meant to hurt you." 

"But you did. You took my broken heart and threw it in the trash like it was nothing." 

"I don't know what to say or do to show you that this wasn't fake to me. Maybe it started out as a job but it became so much more. What I was to you, you were to me." Juliana couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Valentina knew that Juliana wasn't lying right now. That every word she said was completely and utterly the truth of how she felt. But the anger was still present in her chest and right now Valentina wasn't able to forgive the other girl. Right now the wound had just opened up and it needed time to heal before she could forgive this lie. 

She zipped up the bag and walked passed the crying girl. When she was no longer in the same room as Juliana, she herself broke. Tears fell down her cheek and her heart broke. Maybe she had just made the biggest mistake of her life but right now she didn't know what else she could have done. This was what she needed and the more she repeated it to herself it felt like it was the best for both of them. 

Eva was waiting for her. She was seated in one of the seats in the big entrance hall. As much as Valentina tried to hide how she really felt until she was home and had Guille's support, it didn't work. A glance of concern passed over Eva's face. 

"Is everything okay, Vale?" 

The younger girl didn't stop walking when she reached her sister but just continued leaving the building. She'd stay quiet the whole ride home. Even when Eva started talking about new rehab centers she didn't reply. She didn't care where her sister would ship her off too next. But while the woman was talking and talking the puzzle pieces fell into place in Valentina's mind. She had wondered why Eva didn't put her in one of those super fancy, super expensive centers but now it made sense. It would have made bribing the patients more difficult. 

The image of Juliana crying wouldn't leave Valentina's mind. It kept replaying on loop and every time her heart would break again. It was when her mansion came into sight that she wanted to turn back for the first time. She wanted to drive back to the center and run into Juliana's arms. She didn't care anymore that Juliana had been pretending. If the other girl wanted her than why couldn't Valentina just play along. All of this was for her happiness anyway. And all of it had worked. Every time she had been with Juliana her sorrows and sadness had vanished into thin air and all that was left had been happiness and love. She wanted it back, she wanted Juliana back.

But at the same time she knew that she couldn't. She had made her decision. There was no option to turn back and drive back. Even though in theory she could go back. It was all too late now. 

The gates in front of the mansion slowly started sliding open. "Why did you do it, Eva?" Valentina finally asked with a horse voice. 

"What did I do wrong this time?" Eva threw back annoyed. 

"You paid Juliana to be my friend. Why do you always need to ruin everything? Do you really think I wouldn't have been able to get around without you having to bribe someone?" 

"I was just trying to protect you. You don't know what kind of people sit in those centers and Juliana seemed like a fine person so yeah I offered her money but I did it all to protect my little sister." 

"Has it ever crossed your mind that I don't need your protection anymore. I'm an adult, Eva. I can make my own decision and yes, I'll make mistakes but that is the best way to learn. Stop meddling in other people's lives. Can't you just focus on your own?" 

Eva didn't reply anymore. The woman had clearly seen that her sister was too upset. She couldn't reason with her like this. She'd explain it tomorrow, when everything had calmed down between them. 

But the day after Valentina was locked up in her room. No one was able to enter and the young woman didn't exit. Guille was the one who said that they should give Valentina some time. Eva had sighed but agreed. Weeks went by and the two siblings didn't see Valentina once. After 8 days Guille decided to knock on the door but the girl didn't reply or open the door. The only living soul that ever saw Valentina was Chivis who was allowed to enter once the other two had left to bring food and drinks. 

It was on day 11 that Valentina had forgotten to lock her door after Chivis left. It was on day 11 that Guille knocked on her door and discovered that it was unlocked. It was on day 11 that Guille got to talk to his sister again.

"Hello, how are you?" Guille asked. 

Valentina didn't reply. She was laying, rolled up in her blanket on her bed. For a second her brother thought she was sleeping but her eyes remained open.

"You've been locked up here quite a while now, why is that?" 

"I miss her." Valentina mumbled into the blanket. 

"Who?" Guille asked who had remained out of the loop of what Eva did. 

"Juliana." His sister crawled up. Her eyes were red because of the crying she did. "I had hoped it would pass, that it would only hurt for a few days but it won't go away. It's like someone cut a hole in my chest. After losing dad I thought I would never be happy again and then Juliana proved me wrong but what do you do when you find out it was all just one big lie. I can't believe that it all was just one big orchestrated play to amuse Eva."  

"Eva is controlling, she wants to be the one to help others. She wants to be the one other's owe their happiness to. But whatever happened you can't let her take away what you want. If Juliana is the one that made you happy during your worst days then go back to her. You might have just found your soulmate and you can't let Eva ruin that for you." Guille grabbed his sister's hand. 

"She paid her. The only reason I met Juliana is because Eva paid her. Because Eva wanted me to meet Juliana." Valentina cried. 

"But it's not because that's how you met that that is how the story should end. Juliana might have met you because of Eva's games but she stayed because of you, right?" Guille tried to reason with the younger sister. 

"Guille, I don't know what to do?" 

"Let's see, do you like the girl?" 

"Yes, I like her a lot. She was the only person that made me smile after dad died. She made me feel things I never felt before." 

"Then go get her." 

It was on day 11 that a small smile sneaked into place on Valentina's face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is nearly done and I want to apologize for uploading so late all the time. Thank you to everyone who is reading the story and liking it and sending comments about it. Thank you all so much. I hope you like it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: talk about attempted suicide

She was forced to wait for another 3 weeks before she got the chance. The day she had spoken with Guille she had contacted the rehad center to request a meeting with Juliana but the news that came shocked her to her core. As it turned out her having left the girl had done more damage than she could have imagined. 

Juliana had been forced to stay in her room after having tried to take her own life. She had been standing on the roof when Mike had discovered her. She had kept shouting that nothing mattered anymore and her life was ruined. That she was a terrible person and didn’t deserve to feel better. 

And then she had dropped down from the edge. 

Mike had quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled up the crying Juliana. For the time being the young girl was not allowed to leave her room and was under strict supervision. 

When Valentina heard all of this she felt her heart break, tears formed in her eyes and she hated herself. Hated herself for causing so much pain in the girl’s life. Juliana hadn’t deserved this. Most of all she wanted to drive to the center and tell Juliana everything she felt. But she wasn’t allowed. No one was allowed to see the girl. Valentina was certain that keeping her away from Juliana was only doing more harm and after 3 days she had showed up unannounced. The kind woman behind the desk recognized her but still couldn’t let her pass. After waiting for nearly 4 hours, Valentina had given up and had gone back home. 

It had been this morning, after 3 weeks of waiting, that the center had contacted her. In fact it had been the kind woman behind the desk that had called Valentina at 7:30 in the morning with the news that Juliana was doing a lot better and was allowed visitors again. Valentina hadn’t wasted a single second and had driven up to the center as fast as she could. At 7:58 she had arrived at the boring building. At 8:04 they had escorted her to the cafeteria where she would be able to meet Juliana. But since then nothing happened anymore. 

Valentina’s fingers tapped the table in an annoying and frantic rythm. Her eyes shifted between the clock on the wall and the door. Minutes passed by as if in slow motion. She wished she knew what was happening behind the closed door leading to the rest of the building. She wished she knew what Juliana was feeling, thinking, maybe even saying. Most of all she wished the girl would just enter. So that finally after all this time Valentina could give the speech she had rewritten over and over and over again. It was then she realized she had forgotten the letter she had written and would have to improvise the speech. That was if Juliana wanted to see her, which seemed more and more unlikely as the minutes passed by. 

Behind the closed door stood Juliana. She stood there not sure what to do. Whether she should enter and confront whatever Valentina would tell her or run away and hide. Her therapist had said seeing Valentina would be good for her but while she was standing here she didn’t know. When they got her out of her first session of the day because someone was here to see her she had been confused as to who would visit. When they had spoken Valentina’s name she had been scared of the confrontation ahead. At night, in her dreams, she had the security of meeting Valentina again and being forgiven for the lies she had told. Now all she could think off was what would happen if she wasn’t forgiven. What would seh do if Valentina told her she never wanted to see her again? But then again why would the girl have come this whole way if she didn’t want to speak to her anymore? Unless it was for closer. Or maybe Valentina had heard about what she had done all those weeks ago and wanted to tell her to stop being pathetic. 

For some reason it seemed more plausible to her that Valentina had come here to tell her off than to forgive her. She turned away from the door to walk away. Today was not the day she could deal with this. She wasn’t ready for that dream to be crushed by the reality of the situation. 

The clock striked 9. Nearly an hour had passed. Valentina got up out of her chair. This was useless, Juliana would never forgive her for how she had left things. All she could do now was respect the girl’s decision and leave her alone. Even if that felt like a mistake, even if she had so much to say, she couldn’t do this to Juliana. 

Valentina stood turned away from the door when she heard it open. It was probably Mike or someone telling her to leave because Juliana didn’t want to see her. 

“Don’t worry, I was just leaving.” Valentina answered without looking behind her. 

“Please don’t.” 

Valentina turned around as fast as she could. Her eyes landed on Juliana who looked frail and broken. Her dark hair seemed draker then it did before, her skin paler and her brown eyes slightly glazed over. Valentina couldn’t believe that the other girl actually stood here in front of her. 

“Hi.” Valentina greeted with her mouth slightly agape. Her mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening. 

“Hi.” Juliana replied. 

“Let’s sit down, let’s talk, okay?” Valentina pointed at the table she had been sitting at earlier. 

Juliana nodded and the two girls sat in front of each other. Neither sure how to start. If only Valentina hadn’t forget that damn piece of paper. 

It was Juliana who finally broke the silence. “How are you?” 

“Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. I have been waiting and preparing for this moment for weeks and yet I don’t even know what to say to you. I’m sorry for how I left things. I was hurt but that is no excuse. I should have staid and listened to what you had to stay. I should have listened to your side of the story before drawing conclusions that didn’t make sense. I regretted it the second I left, I got home and the first thing I wanted to do was come back to you. But I thought you hated me. I hated me for what I did to you. I just couldn’t imagine that you would still care. I wrote all of this down but I forgot it at home. I was just so excited about finally seeing you again.” Valentina looked at the table, afraid that if she looked into Juliana’s eyes she’d see something she didn’t want to see. 

“You thought I’d hate you?” 

Valentina couldn’t resist looking up. Juliana was looking at her with a frown on her face. Nothing showed any sort of hate, nothing gave away how the girl felt. 

“I couldn’t hate you, Val. You were the first person I met that meant something to me. I completely understand your reaction, I was the one who screwed up, not you. I shouldn’t have lied to you or taken the money but...” This time Juliana was the one who looked away. “I think I knew that before we officially met, the first time I saw you. But then it was already too late.” 

“What do you mean before we met?” Valentina asked. 

“The day you got here, I was sitting in the entrance hall. Sometimes Mike would let me walk around as long as I got back on time. I sat there, reading a magazine when you and Eva entered. I remember recognized Eva. You had been crying, maybe you were still crying but I couldn’t see that. In that moment I knew I had made a mistake but I still continued it. I didn’t stop when I shouldn’t have. I lied to you and I shouldn’t have, I know I shouldn’t have.” 

Valentina tried to remember that moment. The memory was clouded with so many others that had filled up her mind after that specific moment. Suddenly it became easy to pretend she had seen Juliana but she wasn’t sure whether it was real or just because this was what Juliana was telling her. 

“Maybe we both made mistakes but what really defines us is how we act afterwards. I’d love a second chance.” 

“Are you coming back?” Juliana asked with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. 

“Well, no. I’ve been so focused on you and us that I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since we met. Eva doesn’t think I need it anymore. But I’ll come visit every single day until you get out of here.” Valentina took Juliana’s hand in hers. 

And as she said she did. Every single day Valentina and Juliana sat around the table, most of the times with snacks and drinks, joking and laughing. Occasionally they were able to convince Mike to let the two girls chill in Juliana’s room. They would watch a movie or just simply make out. Valentina showed up every single day for the next 2 months. Before the news came. Valentina was waiting in her regular seat in the cafeteria when Juliana ran up to her and threw her arms around the other girl’s neck. 

“You’re happy to see me.” Valentina laughed before kissing her girlfriend. 

“I’m getting out of here. I’m finally getting out of here on Friday. I get to leave on Friday. That means we can actually have real dates. We can go out for dinner or to the movies or take a walk in a park, I don’t even care but I get to leave this place for good.” Juliana rambeled. 

Valentina listened with a grin on her face. She had always believed in her girlfriend and finally after all this time the two would be reunited on the same side of those big doors. They discussed how they were going to celebrate Juliana getting out. 

Valentina wanted to rent a table at a fancy restaurant but Juliana insisted that they could celebrate with mcdonalds instead. After a 20 minute discussion Valentina gave in. After their fast food meal the two went to watch a movie. The picked the most obsucre one and ended up being the only two in the theater. Juliana made fun of every detail in the movie but couldn’t help being amused by Valentina’s facial expressions. They then went for a walk through the city, going to every place that Valentina wanted to show the other girl. 

“So I was thinking that maybe you could sleep over and then tomorrow we could go check out the new art exhibit of a friend of a friend of my brother. Chivis could prepare us breakfast and I really think you’d like the exhibit. And after maybe we could get some lunch together, do you like sushi?” Valentina rambled about all the plans she had been coming up with. The truth was that she really just wanted someone to go with her to the art exhibit. It tends to be awfully boring but with Juliana at her side she would be amused all night long. 

Juliana listened to her girlfriend with a smile on her face. All she could think was that she had no idea how she got this lucky. She had never thought she’d fall in love like this and she definitely hadn’t thought that she would have gotten paid for it. 

“I love you.” Slipped out of her mouth before she even realized it. 

Valentina stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth slightly agape. Juliana could feel her cheeks turn bright red when she realized she had actually said the words out loud. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it.” She quickly tried to save the situation. 

“Did you mean it?” Valentina asked after a few awkward seconds. Juliana just nodded shyly. It might have been the first time that Valentina had gotten to see the girl shy and it was quite a sight. She could feel her heart beat quicken and her smile broaden. “I love you too.” She replied and quickly kissed the other girl. 

For a second the world stopped turning. For a second it was just the two of them, Valentina and Juliana and no one else. For just one second nothing else mattered. 

“So what about the sushi?” Valentina continued the earlier topic as they began walking again.

“What about pizza instead?” Juliana answered. 

Somewhere in their minds they knew that things weren’t going to be easy. Life would happen and life tends to screw up everything. But they also knew that as long as they were together, walking hand and hand through over every obstacle that they would make it out alive. What they had wasn’t just love, it was more than that. When they were walking hand in hand it felt like the word soulmate got a whole new meaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this thank you so much for reading this whole fanfic. I can't say that I'm entirely content with my writing and at times I felt like it was horrible but getting comments from you guys made me want to continue writing it. Sorry for the fact that my chapters are always super short and yet I still update super late. I hope you liked the ending. 
> 
> If you have any request for other fanfictions feel free to let me know because I do actually have a lot of free time right now and would love to write something better. 
> 
> Once again thank you for sticking with me till the end. I love everyone who has read this fanfic.


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